Big Gulp Award Winner

This weeks Big Gulp award came down to the wire. Coach Cash had been a front runner all week until late Sunday night. While driving home from the ballpark in Chicago, I noticed my car was pulling to the right and my tire pressure light had just popped on. So I pulled into a Wendys parking lot only to see my front right tire was flatter than Kate Hudson.

Just so were clear, I know as much about changing a tire as I do about delivering babies, which is nothing other than to stay calm and do some breathing exercises. Luckily my brother in law B-Rad Valentino always stays close to his phone. Not only did this dude drive 25 minutes to help a brotha out(literally), but he brought his own car jack that made mine look like a keychain. You woulda thought Pep boys rolled into town, B-Rad fixed my tire like I was in the pits at Daytona. Congratulations on your Big Gulp Award . . . you earned it.

Quick Thoughts: By Nick Hall

The worst part about going out to a bar is not the 15 to 75 dollars you spend on pop or alcohol, its that stupid X the bouncer draws on your hand with his black sharpie. He always yells at you too cause you start to walk away before he has given you the X of approval, They always try and be cool and yell something like "Hey you get back here and I didnt mark your ass". So now not only do you have a huge mark on your hand the next morning but now you have to shower instead of laying on the couch dominating freeze pops, just so no one thinks your a dirty Reed.

- Nick Hall

Photo of the day

I came across this photo on the internet of my buddy Jeff Miller. This was his senior basketball individual photo. His parents paid good money for him to take this and some would say he ruined it, but not me. I would have paid extra for a pose like this. The second this picture was taken it became an instant classic. If theres one thing Jeff knows its how to take a picture, if there's two things Jeff knows its how to take a picture and when to wear maroon tearaway pants.

- Nick Hall

Awesome Phrase of the Day

Every now and then I like to deliver a new word for your vocabulary so you can take it to the streets. I happen to be a big fan of the word retard, I know its not politically correct and I in no way mean any offense to people who are challenged. Here is a great supplement for the word retard, its the word "Reed".
This word not only gets you laughs but it can even get you promoted at work. I remember when I was working in Texas my boss asked me what I thought about our new secratary, and I said "That girls a Reed" 2 days later I had my own office and a company jaguar. Not the car they actually gave me the jungle animal.

Examples:
"Paper or Plastic bag sir? Lets go with plastic. . . Thanks Reed"
"How did you drop that ball? Try catching it next time Reed"

- Nick Hall

Throw Back Thursday - First Celly

In 2001 I never left home without some Michael Jordan cologne and my Nokia cell phone. For 90 percent of Americans and roughly 17 percent of Arabs, Your first cell phone ever was that Nokia 5190(pictured on the right). This phone had baller status written all over it. From the beautiful black plastic finish, to that money green light up screen.
If you had one of these bad boys then you already know the nastiest part about it . . . the Snake game. That shiz was addicting as a mother. My snake was always eating apple after apple and lookin longer than the Mississippi. The absolute worst would be when your friend who was really really good at snake, would play on your phone and break your high scores that you spent the last 5 months trying to get.
These phones were so awesome text messaging hadnt even been invented yet. How did I mack on 10th graders? Well, luckily all those tricks loved the snake game, so I could reel em in by hosting snake tournaments in the cafeteria during lunch. I remember specifically my dad told me this phone was only to be used if he ever needed to know where I was he could call it, but I still slid my digits to a few lucky cheerleaders, and by cheerleaders I mean pommies. Our cheerleaders looked like 8 Rosie O'Donnels in skirts.

Can't Fool Me

Its 2009 and people are getting lazy. Dont think just because someone is a celebrity its ok to have a terrible first name. Well unlike most people, I stay on my toes year round. I see through the dumb first names and always keep my eye on the ball.

Lets take Sylvester Stallone for example, his first name is Sylvester. If he went to my high school we would of Egg'd his house on Thursdays and melted his goggles on the bunsen burner in chemistry class every time we had a lab. That name is brutal, you know it and I know it.

Lets move it over to pro golf, and yea Im referring to Tiger Woods. His first name only sounds cool cause he's famous, but lets say my dentist name happened to be tiger, then it wouldnt be cool at all. Quite frankly, I may even switch dental cares or just start brushing 7 times a day just so I'd never have to go in and talk to that weird bastard.

Last but not least, Leonardo DiCaprio. What is this guy a ninja turtle? If not that then Im sure Mr and Mrs DiCaprio were just big fans of 15th century painters. What makes this name truly crappy is if you drop the "o" on his name it becomes Leonard, and significantly worse than before, which I didnt even think was possible.

- Nick Hall

Joke of the day!

Why did the squirrel swim on his back? (click "comments" below for answer)

YouTube Tuesdays

This video is an oldie but a goodie. make sure your volume is on. Might be the weirdest noise ever produced by a human. This reporter visits a winery that is hosting a wine stomping contest, so she tries her hand at stomping some grapes. I dont want to spoil the rest of the video. My personal favorite is at the .52 second mark when this trick tries to be cool/funny by calling "stop" but keeps stomping to try and win and in doing so seems to have a bit of trouble.

SHIRTS ARE IN!

Its Official, Thats Yummy Bro T-Shirts are in and available for purchasing. They are $15 a shirt, $20 if you need me to ship it to you, You can let me know personally if you would like one or email us a yummybro@gmail.com. These shirts are so butter. Wear one of these and you instantly turn yourself 3 points higher in the eyes of the opposite sex. I was wearing mine today and I hit 7 girls with my car cause they jumped out in front of me to get a piece of the Hall Trane.

Big Gulp Award Winner

This weeks Big Gulp award goes to Brad Pitt for his role as Lt. Aldo Raine in the movie Inglorious Basterds. Pitt played a top 5 coolest character ever, its a shame he didnt get more camera time in this film. I personally wasnt a huge fan of the actual movie itself, but I didnt have to pay for my ticket, because Im a baller, shot caller, 20 inch blades on the Impala.

Bolt is bananas

Usain Bolt spent the weekend like I usually do, breaking world records. This dude went Buck wild on the competition, winning all three of his events. Every time I watch him run he gets even faster. If Usain Bolt hung out with Lewis and Clark back in 1803 he would of reached Oregon in like an hour. Can you imagine playing freeze tag with this guy, He would never be "it". USA and the world has no answer for Bolts speed, and I love dudes who can run. So you're in luck, I will still root for you and overlook the fact your first name is brutal.

Think of all the stuff you could do if you are the worlds fastest man;
- Go get the mail in 4 seconds
- Grab a boob, turn around and sprint away leaving them clueless as to who did it
- Undefeated in musical chairs

Photo of the day

Marc, Brett, and DJ Nasty headline the Photo of the day while on a rafting trip up in Wisconsin. Im not even sure where to begin with this picture. Should I start with the hand-painted silver and red school bus in the background or the fact that they're all wearing matching blue helmets? They look like a crappy football team from 1943. Some say a picture is worth a thousand words, this one is worth about fifty three.

-Nick Hall

Breaking News, Sorta

Fox News Reports - A 17-year-old is being held Wednesday in Brazil for allegedly knifing thirty men to death. The schoolgirl stunned police by owning up to a serial killing spree that started when she was a 15-year-old. She wanted to confess before she turned 18 so she wouldnt be tried as an adult.

This story is bananas to me, beacuse every 15 year old girl Ive met couldnt beat me up if I was 3 years deep in a coma. She probably just snapped when Hannah Montana changed her name over to Miley Cyrus. I was pissed too, I mean sure I didnt knife anyone, but I know what she went through.

Joke of the day!

So I had this really weird dream last night that I swallowed a huge marshmallow, and when I woke up . . . . my pillow was gone

Throw Back Thursday - Truth or Dare?

Its Thursday, so TYB is turnin back the clock, today its Truth or Dare. This game was a classic if you had a get together with a few boys and girls in middle school. Nickipedia states that 40% of all peoples first kiss was linked directly to this game. Not me though obviously because I was a baller and got my first kiss on a trampoline back in the day, right after I double bounced that trick.

Im not completely sure why the game isnt just called dare. Thats all you're really hoping for whenever you ask "truth or dare?". Its not likely you've been dying to ask the girl about her favorite color. Sometimes you get that stubborn one who will do 17 truths in a row. For some reason you keep playing but in the back of your head your just thinking "Jesus, pick a fricken dare so I can touch your boob already" just kidding, but seriously that was my go-to dare throughout 7th grade.

-Nick Hall

Big Gulp Pic Update

This picture lets people know whats right with society today. Take Nate Hall (no relation) for example, rocking a 44 oz Big Gulp in pure Tennessee fashion, only a mans man can pull off a coonskin cap in public. Enjoy that sip Nate, because that pop looks yummy bro.
Remember people, if you take a picture of yourself rocking any drink 32 ounces or greater, I will throw it up on the TYB website. Just email it to us at Yummybro@gmail.com

Homeless people = Brutal

I dont have any actual figures in front of me but the rate of homeless people has got to be on the rise. Every time I drive somewhere now I see a frickin homeless person with his crappy ass sign that usually has a mix between Times new roman and bubble letters written on it asking for money.
Then they say "Any spare change?", I always reply with the "sorry, only have a debit card" line, then pick up the pace of my walk in case hes one of those athletic homeless dudes who's looking for a fight. Half the time you're not even sure if they're actually homeless because they have hundred dollar shoes on. These people just dont get it. Some try to play music on buckets or some instrument to earn an a buck. They need to get a little more creative with ways to make money, its not like they're really busy, they do nothing all day.
If I were Homeless, you wouldnt catch me sleeping on a cement sidewalk or in a bush behind McDonalds. No sir, Id go straight for the Wal-Mart, grab some bags of cool ranch doritos and pretzel rods, head straight to the camping section, find the biggest Coleman tent they got, zip it closed, and post up in that shiz for about a week. As soon as I was caught by security I would just play it cool, like I wanted to test its day-to-day durability of the tent. Then I would kindly leave and walk straight to the next town overs Wal-mart and repeat the same steps.

-Nick Hall

You Tube Tuesday

This bell ringer gets into it hard core during the 4th quarter. Judging by his haircut, this is the most action he's got since '97. Feel free to send us in any videos to try and make the cut for next weeks Youtube Tuesday
- Yummybro@gmail.com

Nick Hall's Jam you should download

Colbie Calliet - Fallin for you

Some people might think its a little fruity, but thats cool. I still dig this jam.
(link for the video)

T-Shirts Coming Next Week!

On August 24, 2009 you better get em while there hott. YummyBro.com T-Shirts will officially be available for purchase. 100% Cotton and 100% Baller. Everyone and their mother is gonna be rocking these fine pieces of clothing around town, dont be the only fool without one.

(click picture to enlarge)

Big Gulp Award Winner

This Weeks Big Gulp Award goes to Coach Ca$h. Cash is the sole creator of what he likes to call the no huddle, west coast, minimum panic, high octane offense. There is many unique characteristics needed that make this run as smoothly as possible; ONE Crisp sideburns, TWO, Perfect execution of every Basketball Referee call, THREE ability to Jump Rope dance, and FOUR a 2007 Toyota Corolla that runs on High-Octane Unleaded fuel.



Cash's coined Phrases
- "God damn laser show"(after his team takes batting practice)
- "Uhhhhh Yea" (His reply to any compliments you give em)
- "Here we Joe!" (instead of yelling here we go)

Ewww

There are few things in this world that will always scare the crap out of you. I know what youre probably thinking "I thought Nick wasnt scared of anything" well I do get scared, so drop it already. I have a fear of sharks, so I usually like to go out on the lake to get my water fix. Im not one to boast but lets be honest, I am a one of the greatest tubers in Illinois history. I havent fallen off a tube since Clinton was in office.
The worst part about being on the water or tubing is when you do fall off, now you're stuck out in the middle of the lake just bobbing up and down waiting for your gay friends to circle the boat and pick you up. As your kicking your feet, I usually do this to scare away big fish from biting my toes(works every time) a piece of seaweed somehow touches your foot. When this happens I absolutely lose it, I send out a shreek that echos across the entire lake and then I proceed to start swimming as fast as I can towards the boat even though its still a 1/4 mile away, just so the seaweed will leave me alone. Skechers and seeweeds are 2 things I never want touching my feet.

-Nick Hall

Louis C.K. Saturday

Louis C.K. is a relatively unfamiliar comedian. Hes a little vulgar but has dynamite stuff, This should help keep you from being bored this Saturday morning. First videos a little long but worth every minute.



Louis C.K. talking about what he'd do with Bill Gates' money

Photo of the day

Mark Beese (pronounced "Bee-Zee") is not only a Florida State Grad, but he's also a yummy bro fan to the max. What you're seeing here is a picture from 2006 of Beese using textbook form on the "get a load of this pose" which just so happens to be the Yummy Bro pose of the month. When some tard decides to try and spice up the night by putting a purse around his neck, you remain calm, then do exactly what Beese did. Find the nearest hot chick, get her attention, then give that dork the "get a load of this pose" and boom, the next thing you know you and her are on your way to second base.

-Nick Hall

Throwback Thursday - Fooling around bases

Its Thursday, so TYB is turnin back the clock, today its the bases of fooling around. If you were home schooled or in color guard(losers who twirl flags) then just stop reading this post, if not then you would discuss the bases regularly with your friends when they would ask you how far you've gotten with someone. If you forgot the bases thats ok, just take a seat, cause schools back in session.

1st Base - Kissing, Im talking French style, not on the cheek, or a peck. That stuff is for grandmas and quakers.

2nd Base - Hands going up or down, This was my bread and butter back in the day. All my friends used to call me the 2nd baseman . . . I think . . . Well whatver, the point is throughout Junior High I was feelin shiz like Helen Keller.

3rd Base - using your mouth going south of the border. This ones PG-13 and flat out gross. Just kidding, but seriously kids pay attention in health class.

Homerun - Knocking boots. And not like when you come in from playing in the snow boot knocking. Im talking S to the E to the X.

Honorable Mention terms:
Strikeout - Girl turns her head when you move in, cause she doenst want to kiss
Wearing a helmet - condom usage
double on an error - Going over the bra, not under

Victorias Secret Catalog

Growing up in a house with woman usually has very little perks. Once a week they talk about how tired they are or they don't feel well. You usually had to wait an hour to brush your teeth because your sisters hair just cant get straight enough. Lets be honest girls just flat out arent very cool, but all that shiz gets thrown out the window though when you're sifting through the mail and notice your sisters new Victorias Secret catalog.
This was about as close as you could come to Playboy without being a weirdo or spending 6 bucks. Spring and Summer catalogs were the best, because lets be honest, they wear tops and bottoms that have a combined weight of 1 ounce. It was always a little awkward though when they would ask where there missing catalog was and you had to play it cool and say "What catalog?". Either way Im probably going to buy something from Vickie Sec's so I can get back on that mailing list.

-Nick Hall

ITS OFFICIAL!!!

As of yesterday, Thats Yummy Bro officially became a website and is no longer a blog. I purchased www.Yummybro.com and have transitioned everything smoothly over to it. Youre pumped, Im pumped, and this wheres Waldo fool on the right is pumped too. I appreciate all the support and you know there is much much more to come. Make sure you bookmark this biz, so you can check out Yummy Bro on the reg.

- Nick Hall

Awesome phrase of the day

Yummy Bro is like a 3rd grade teacher, helping kids to expand their vocabulary. Todays new word is already a real word in the English language but with a lil twist. We have all heard of the word Legit, but this time you really need to accentuate the "Le" part and hit em with a quick "git" so it sounds like "Laaaa-git". This phrase was brought to me by my boy Billy Petrick. Its best used after someone asks you a question hoping for a long answer and you hit em with a Laaaa-git or even from a background person whos not even in the conversation.

Examples:

Heard you were on a boat out on the lake yesterday? oh yea, Laaaa-git
How was Chili's? Laaa-git
You watch the new Kellie Pickler video? Laaa-git

YouTube Tuesdays

The Creator of this video is a high school buddy of mine from Crystal Lake, IL. This is a great parody on brutal info-mercials. They clown on Paper towels. best line in this video is clearly "You cant even rip it, well it rips if you pull a little too hard"

Nick Halls - Jam you should download

Dorrough - Ice Cream Paint Job

First line is too sick "Yeaaaa Buddy, rollin like a big shot"

Big Gulp Award Winner

This Weeks Big Gulp Award goes to Ralph Lauren Pajama Shorts. Its a new fad I am bringing out of the wood works. My mom got me 2 pairs for Christmas and thought they were boxers, little did she know that she was about to start a revolution in the shorts world. I now own 4 pairs and a stick. The stick is to keep hoes at a distance cause these things are off the charts cool.

-Nick Hall

Nice rims on a brutal car

Few things tick me off, but one of the few has to be when some homo puts thousand dollar rims on a seven hundred dollar car. Not a single person on the planet is thinking, "oh dang dude, that car looks sick, he must be in the NBA". No shot, were all thinking youre a retard and instead of buying rims for your purple '89 buick, maybe you should of gotten a muffler that works, and a car that can get you across town without losing 3 to 4 pieces off of it. If thats not enough, a lot of these cars usually have systems put in too, not good ones either, it usually sounds like some kids are conducting Tuba practice in there trunk. Its a recession you losers, invest your money wisely. i.e. Big Gulps, Baseball hats, and Sirius Satellite subscriptions.

- Nick Hall

Photo of the day

The man in the middle of this spectacular photograph is Matt "Dirt" Wagner. Dirt just graduated high school, he's our bullpen catcher for Windy City Baseball and apparently plays the clarinet in the offseason. I dont know whats gayer in this picture; The feather in Dirt's cap or his fake polo band coat. Either way if I had this actual photo in my hand I would more than likely sneeze into it while finding the nearest trash can and toss it in via the hook shot!

- Nick Hall

Archived - Pepsi < Coke

Strapped for time, I couldn't post a new article, so I archived this jam from back in May.

Question, How on earth is Pepsi still around? Ive never seen a friends fridge with a case of Pepsi in it. Everywhere you go, no one has ever ordered a Pepsi, if you want a pop you always say "I'll take a diet coke please" and then the waitress looks at you and makes this sad face like shes about to tell you that you have cancer and softly says "is Pepsi ok?"
I always say that its fine, but one of these days I am gonna say "You know what hoe, Pepsi's not ok". I also hate those people who say you can't tell a difference. Maybe if you've been sniffing glue since October. I could be a Prisoner of war in Thailand for 27 years and still tell the difference. Even when I came back to the US, if someone handed me a Pepsi, I'd pour it out and say "Thats low you son of a bitch"

- Nick Hall

Throw Back Thursday - Yearbooks

Every Thursday TYB turns back the clock to a moment in our childhood, today its Yearbooks. We all looked forward to that last week of school when they handed us our yearbooks that we dropped 35 bucks on like 8 months prior.
I knew the drill; Open it straight to my page and look at my picture to make sure I was looking fresh in the clothes my mom picked out, then I would check out my Jr high crush and circle her picture while putting a huge X through her boyfriends, just a standard yearbook move for a 12 year old stud.
For some reason chicks loved yearbooks way more than us guys did. Guys just wrote "have a good summer" in other peoples and then threw their yearbook into the back of their closet when they got home. Take these 2 broads in the picture to the right for example, theres a 97% chance there pointing at a boy because the one in the Shaq jersey was just asked who the hottest dude in her class was.
The school would always designate the last hour on Friday, so that everyone could roam around the lunch room and sign each others, it was a friggin mess. I always got carpel tunnel from hoes running up to me left and right asking me to sign their shiz. At least a dozen broads had me sign theirs multiple times, but I guess it comes with the territory when you're averaging 7 points a game on the Eighth grade basketball team.

-Nick Hall

Gaucho Pants

Guacho pants, Ugg Boots, and Sunglasses are critical to any broad above a 6 that lives in the United States. There is something about gaucho pants though that gets my motor running. I dont speak very good spanish, but I think Gaucho means "Buck Wild" in English. If you're a girl and want to look off the charts, here is what you should do; Go to the nearest store that sells Gaucho Pants, buy the entire rack, and then wear them every single day. These pants are a skeleton key, meaning they can open any door you want.

Comfy material - Check
Tight around the butt - Check
Baggy by the knees - Check

Pretty Much Awesome - Check Mate!

" Coming this fall "

Ugg Baker will make his weekly college football betting picks every week for your viewing and gambling pleasure. Ugg is similar to unemployment checks, he gets you free money while you sit on your couch and eat cool ranch doritos

Rik Party will be doing some NFL betting picks from time to time this season as well, rik has been in the game for 3 years and by game I mean doing nothing.

YouTube Tuesday

Its that time again, If you know of any funny youtube videosd feel free to email me them to Yummybro@gmail.com. If they pass my test I will post them as soon as possible. This video is a classic, if you dont like midget indians then you're not a real person. His shimmy at the 35 second mark is bananas. Not to mention that beat is fresh

Garbage

Todays topic goes along with this weeks Big Gulp award. What in the hell happened to Mtv and how are they still called Music Television? In the early 90's Mtv was pounding out nothing but videos round the clock. Now the only music you hear is the theme song intro to Laguna Beach.
The President of Mtv must have down syndrome because who in their right mind could ever think that someone would rather watch a show called "Next" where 5 gay dudes ride on a bus and play truth or dare waiting for their chance to date some Elton John looking fool, over a Jessica Simpson music video where she is singing her little heart out and walking in the rain. I would literally rather watch 95 year old women play chutes and ladders in a retirement home then see one more minute of an episode from "Runs House".
If I had a billion dollars I would buy my own channel and play nothing but music videos from sun-up to sundown so I could give the people what they wanted. Well actually I would buy my own island and make myself King, but shortly after that I would purchase a Tv channel.

-Nick Hall

Big Gulp Award Winner

This weeks Big Gulp Award is given to Great American Country or GAC for sticking to its guns. Showing Music Videos all the time. Nothing better than waking up in the morning and popping on GAC and just laying around in bed with some tunes on the tube.

Nick Halls - Jam you should download

Jason Aldean - Big Green Tractor

Once again, Bigger is better!

There's a reason Damian Walcott has world class speed. Its not because he works out, trains hard, or is friends with me. Its cause the kid knows what fluids to put in his body. If baseball started drug testing for Big Gulps, Me and Damian would be kicked out of the league forever

Theres a reason Mike Sullivan landed himself on the disabled list this season with a torn rotator cuff, some would say its not stretching enough or maybe even bad luck. Not me, I believe its a direct correlation to his lack diet coke intake.