If I wore the badge

Yesterday while driving down the road, I couldn't help but think of all the awesome shiz I would do if I ever became a police officer.

 Just to name a few:

- I would never give any chick above a 6 a ticket

- I'd drive around all day while yelling "Where is he?" on the microphone loud speaker
- I'd pullover hot chicks just to pat them down, twice
- I would never do anything less than 40 mph over the speed limit

- I'd text message in school zones

- My siren and lights would be on at all times

- My police uni would be tearaway. Then I could go into every cool concert and sporting event and just run into the stadium like I was chasing somebody then rip off my stuff and party

- Use my big ass flashlight in the daytime

- I'd arrest Michael Jordan once a week so we could hang out

- I would always call for backup if I was bored

Actual Quote

"I researched the origin of the word "vegetarian" and it comes from 17th century Africa, it means "Shitty Hunter"
- Richard Hall

Throwback Thursday - Show and Tell

Show and tell was the business back in Elementary school. Whenever you got something cool you had the opportunity once a month to bring it in and show the class. I always tried to show my lunch money for the honeydips in class, talk about fishing with dynamite

Most kids brought in their pets, which sucked for me since my sister was allergic to the entire zoo, so growing up we never got to have a pet. This caused me to always lie and say I had a pet alligator but they wouldn't let me bring it in for safety reasons. So I just went with my next coolest thing I owned, yup Im talking about the Patrick Ewing basketball shoes. Looking back now those shoes were uglier than he was. No shot they sold over ten pairs. That never stopped me from polishing up those bad boys on a nightly basis, you would of thought they were a grammy award. Each shoe weighed around nine pounds, they were so heavy I would be tardy to all 9 periods when I would wear them. So its safe to say it didn't help you jump very high, but it sure did make you sweat like Patrick Ewing. 

You could tell which direction kids were gonna go in by the stuff they brought and what their parents allowed them to have. I remember this one kid Chris brought in his skateboard and a pocketknife to show the class. I was only 7 but I couldn't think of a worse combination of two things a 7 yr old should have. It wasn't like this munson was a navy seal either where he might of needed that nail clipping, meat cutting, pocket knife. I haven't seen Chris since but my guess is I will bump into him in 5-10 depending on good behavior.

Throwback Thursday Video

If you didnt watch family matters growing up on TGIF then you clearly didnt own a televison. This is Urkel at his finest and you know he's in the building. I can't tell whats cooler the dance or the dude at the punch bowls hi-top fade.

Top 3 - Reasons to be late for meeting your friends

McDonalds Breakfast - If were meeting before 1030 theres a real good chance I'm gonna be late depending how many cars are in the drive-thru line. Friends can wait, southern style chicken biscuits cant!

Videogames - You dont leave when you're on a 7 kill streak in call of duty . . . nuff said

Bravehearts on TV - One time Judd and I planned to meet at Chilis for lunch around noon, I showed up at 245 and just said "Braveheart was on", he understood.

How do you not like Chicken Fingers?

If you know someone who is a vegetarian, well then I'd bet no one likes them. According to my calculations 100% of all men and 98.7% of women who are vegetarians are losers.  When someone tells you they dont like eating meat, its like they are telling you they dont like to hear jokes or want to enjoy life. Where I come from if you ordered a boca burger you were asked nicely to leave, and if you followed that up by "I'll just have a salad" then law enforcements were called. This dates back to the revolutionary war era too, I specifically remember George Washington saying how much he loved eating Mango Habenero boneless wings during his stay at Valley Forge.

Lets look at some facts, animals that eat meat - Tigers, Lions, Sharks, and Cheetahs to name a few. Animals that dont - Koala bears and some other dumb ones. If I happen to have a kid who becomes a tree huggin vegen I will first call the adoption agency and second make them live in the treehouse. When they ask me why, I will simply tell them "I dont put tofu in my fridge playa". To further prove my point Carrie Underwood is a vegetarian and I would only date her for like 3 weeks max.

YouTube Tuesday!

Have a funny video? send it into Yummybro@gmail.com for next weeks Youtube Tuesday

This dude does four seperate rap impressions in a row and owns all four. I dont wanna brag, but I do a pretty legit cowardly lion from the wizard of Oz.



Sent in by: Mike Sullivan

This Steelers fan is the most unathletic drunk I've seen in a long time.  Dude ruins a mint condition 1992 Toyota Celica



Sent in by: Chris Leggee

Youre gonna watch the first 10 seconds of this video and think it was some type of a joke. Im gonna assure you right now its not a joke, at about the 1:02 mark through the end of the video you're gonna be in awe. An they said the 1940's weren't cool.



Sent in by: Jim Lohmann

Hanging with Mr. Cooper - Mike Ditka

In this photo sent in by Corey Leja, you have himself and Steve "na na" Narish standing with the legendary head football coach Mike Ditka. Coach Ditka is best known for taking the '85 Bears to their only Super Bowl championship in franchise history. He did it with tough defense, Walter Payton, and a serious mustache. Now the coach is a commentator for ESPN where he has turned in his blue and orange sweatervest for a nice suit.


I want to thank Corey for not only sending in the picture but for using the absolute worst camera phone Ive ever seen. When my buddy John Allen was accidentally put into the LD (learning disability) class for the first semester of High School they had to make cameras out of a shoe box for one class, and those homeless cameras produced better quality photographs. Not gonna lie, at first I thought you drew this picture Mike Ditka with pastels then sent it in.

*Send in your celebrity pics to us at YummyBro@gmail.com

Facebook Status

Luke Trayser: Ohhhhh I look good today! Watch out, gays! I mean guys. Wow, I wish I knew how to backspace on this keyboard

Big Gulp Award - Bags

This weeks award goes out to the greatest backyard/bar game of all-time. I know alot of you queers out there and down south call it "cornhole" and thats just brutal. If you're a real player then you call it "Bags". I'm sure you're aware by now that I'm no stranger to putting bags in the hole on the reg. I mean the kid basically lives in the hole. Its almost summer time and this game is about to get pretty popular again so I just wanted to spread the love.

Little fun fact for ya, The Hall Trane & DJ Nasty a.k.a Team "You gotta dunk that shit" are currently 63-1 (I had something in my eye the game we lost).

Jon Gruden Sunday

With the NFL draft completed yesterday and Jon Gruden being the coolest dude on the planet, I decided to post his ESPN filmroom talks with the nations top college players. If you dont like sports then just dont watch em, but I could watch this all day long.

Tim Tebow - Video Clip
Jimmy Clausen - Video Clip
Earl Thomas - Video Clip
Sam Bradford - Video Clip
Colt (dork) McCoy -Video Clip

So many people have sent this in, I just couldnt wait until YouTube Tuesday. Here is a man at war with his liquor and a sandal. the liquor wins for most of the video. (musics a little loud, so watch the volume)

Awesome Phrase

Yummy Bro is trying to make the world a better place, one word at a time. Til this day I have no idea why people still refer to the holder in their car as the ''glovebox" or the "glove compartment". Lets go over some of the facts. Fact 1, It only holds your car manual and insurance papers. Fact 2, No one since the great depression has actually used driving gloves. Fact 3. I have the Spice Girls CD case sitting in mine.

So myself, a bunch of my buddies (and hopefully soon, the whole nation) are now refering to it as "The Box"


Example:
Nick - Hey Judd, cool if I hide my wallet in The Box while we go hoop?
Judd - Ohhhh Hide it, hide it
Nick - Thanks doo, Dont want anyone stealin my blockbuster card doo

Throwback Thursday - Field Day

My favorite day of elementary school and the one day I actually enjoyed was yearbook picture day because my freshly gel'd hair was on another level (thanks mom)!

But the second best day of school was always "Field Day". The only day where a boy could show off his skills to the ladies on the battlefield/open pasture by the school. Every year your class was selected to represent a country for field day and for some reason I always got the shaft. I think in 3rd grade we were Team Japan, which made sense since we were all 4'6" with small dongs, but just wasnt that cool since we weren't America.

100 Yd dash - Fun event, if you weren't me. I usually fell to the back of the pack after about 10 yds into the race when I would just be staring at the back of everyones umbro's. Then around the 40 yd mark where I usually kicked my shoe off so I could stop running.

The softball throw - This wasnt an event, it was a way of life. Back then I ran paulsey and couldn't do a pull-up, so this was my time to shine. I usually threw the softball over the dorks head who was down there marking off distances. Right after I bombed that thing I would always say something super gay to try and impress the girls like "man, the ball kinda slipped too" or "thats pretty far, so did you ladies see my hair in the yearbook by chance?"

Three legged or Potato sack race -Brutal, this was when I took my daily hour bathroom break

Tug of war - This was like the super bowl of events. I remembered Todd Silverman was all business when I noticed he brought his baseball cleats and batting gloves. I was one step behind him and not thinking very clear that day when I decided to bring my moms gardening gloves as my secret weapon. Some say its the reason Japan took second place that day, but I think it was because Evan "I wore sandals on field day" Schwartz was our anchor.

90's Best Videogames per system

Nintendo - Battletoads & Tecmo Superbowl (I only threw to Andre Rison and it was always endzone to endzone)

Sega Genesis - NHL 94 (wrap around shot scored everytime)

Super Nintendo - Mario Kart (My mom even called me Mr. Banana Peel) & American Gladiators (no one wanted a piece of me on that handbike at the eliminator)

Playstation 1 - Tony Hawk (I did backflips through that secret room in the warehouse on the reg)

Nintendo 64 - Golden Eye (4 players at once, the ultimate sleepover game)

Forgive and Forget . . . . No Shot

Theres a few people I will never forgive in this lifetime. When you lie to me and I find out youre officially dead to me. Unless you lie and its really funny, but in these cases it wasnt funny at all.

Mrs Wardwell - She was my 5th grade teacher and made me write in cursive because she said everything needs to be written in cursive when you get to Jr High and High School. This trick flat out lied to me. Since the day I graduated fifth grade I have never once in my life written in cursive (minus forging my moms signature on field trip permission slips).

Zack Morris - You made me believe that you could call timeout in any situation and people just froze. Then I had the idea to try this bit out while standing next to my middle school dance team. I called timeout and then grabbed some of their butts(only the honeydips). Well long story short you're a liar, they weren't frozen at all and I got an in-school suspension.

Mr Atkins - When I was 10, my buddies dad made me sit in a lawn chair for 30 minutes after I ate before I could get back into the pool. He said if I went swimming Id get cramps. Well now that Im old enough to know, you lied to me Mr Atkins.
a) I've never had a cramp within 50 feet of a pool.
b) You know at age 10 I rocked flotation devices at all times whether it be arm floaties or a waist turtle.
And c) Your pool was above ground, heaven forbid I get a cramp with the water up to my belly button.

The Movie Critic

Here is a new T.Y.B. segment where I will watch a movie in theaters or that has been recently released on DVD and cover all of the important stuff so you the viewer will have a better understanding. I intend to cover everything from the characters, to the plot, to even the littlest details that help create a scene. For my first movie I would like to discuss the film "Dear John".

- I thought it sucked.


Thank you, and stay tuned for the next movie critic with Nick Hall

YouTube Tuesday!

I dont know what it is about these stunt videos but I cant seem to get enough of them. I tried filming one of my own this weekend, but I tweaked my back while tying my shoe, so I just called it a day

Here is why you shouldnt golf with your drinking buddies



Video sent in by: Richard Hall

This interview is priceless. a little because I dont understand a single word he says, but mainly for the two "pitted" lines he drops at the end. I watched this vid 4 times



Video sent in by: Andrew Burkett

Joke of the day

So these two kids are sitting in the waiting room at a doctors office. The one boy looks over and says "So what are you here for?" the kid looks at him and says "Im getting my tonsils out". Then the first boy says "I had my tonsils out, you cant eat for 10 days but you get all the ice cream you want." smiling the kid says "thats pretty cool, what are you here for?" the first boy says "Im getting circumsized today" the other boy says "Oh man, I had that done when I was born, couldnt walk for a whole year!"

Hanging with Mr. Cooper - Fabio

Here you have Kalyn Weaverling in Los Angeles with the Italian actor? . . . model?. . . well lets just call him Fabio. I dont know what the hell this guy even does. Call me crazy but I can not think of one reason that he's famous except for when he did the "I can't believe its not butter" commercials with a funny accent. An the only reason I even remember that is because his people called my people and asked if they could use me as a body double, since we're about the same build. Unfortunately I had a a big tupperware party that same day, so I respectively declined.

Now that Ive been rambling on about Mr. Purple shirt over here I do recall him being in the news about riding on a rollercoaster and a goose heading south for the winter flying right into his face. (Video of it here). No word yet on if the bird survived. But going by his jaw line, that thing died on impact.

*Have your own photo with a celebrity you wanna see on T.Y.B, email it to us.

Big Gulp Award

This weeks Big Gulp Award goes out to the iPhone app "words with friends".

Its essentially scrabble that you can play with other people through your iPhone and just take your turn whenver, no time limits. I personally always thought scrabble was for tards but man is this game fun. At the moment I have 5 different games going and little does my brother know but Im about to spell "Buckwild", thats gotta be a 40 pointer. Im currently sitting with a record of 3 wins and 7 losses (thanks to Adam Gracely spelling words like a 5th grade pakistani boy on ESPN) but dont look now cause the kids about to get hot.

Photo of the day - Dead serious hiker

I was at the gym a few weeks ago and while I was on the elliptical machine I happened, man that sounds gay. Lets just say I was bench pressing. While benching I saw this dude step onto the treadmill machine, crank the incline up to the Mt. Everest setting, and strap on a pack the size of a Volvo.

Lucky for me I was at an angle, but this guy just ruined tv watching for anyone behind him up to 40 feet. Who does this? That'd be like me laying on the turkeys in the frozen food section for six hours to test out the jacket I got for christmas. I'm pretty sure that girl next to him is trying to get back on her machine after his bag sent her flying when he turned to wave at a friend.

Fun Fact Friday

What does the term "May Day" actually mean?

We're familiar that the term is always used by the pilot when a plane is going down. Standard procedure is to say it three times to assure you said it. The name is actually the french word M'aider (pronounced may day) and means "come help". Which is funny because "come help" in French means "to play floor hockey at a high level".

Example:
Pilot -                  May Day, May Day, May Day!
Ground Control - Ummmm, hit eject I guess?
Pilot -                  No doubt. . . lata playa

Facebook Status

Matt Lythberg - Theres only 2 things I love more than Dairy Queen - unprotected sex and myself

Throwback Thursday - Kissin games

It was no surprise that if you were in Junior high and you had a pulse that you wanted to kiss girls. It was never easy because girls dads watched you like a hawk the moment you stepped in the house and it wasn't like you had a drivers license or a condo in the city. So the next best option was to get a group together and heat things up with kissing games. But let's be honest, they usually were the worst.

Spin the bottle - This game resulted in a lot of first kisses. Simple game, you just took an empty bottle or since it was the 90' and no one drank out of bottles you just grabbed something in the room that spun. Then whoever it landed on you had to kiss. I think we used the spinner from a twister board game the first time I played, but no matter how athletic or good at physics you were you still could never seem to get the spin to land on that hoe you liked. It always winded up on the girl that had braces and was super pumped to play the game because she was . .  well lets face it, she was a dog. Then you just usually asked for a re-do by arguing that you didn't get a good grip on it or your hands were sticky from the popcorn. If that backfired you just you said "this games dumb, lets play something else".

7 minutes in heaven - If you've never played, it's when you and some trick would go into a closet together for seven full minutes before your friends would let you out. I saw like 45 people do this before I actually had my first go at it. I was totally thinking that everyone in there was just getting buck wild, Im talkin shirts flying off, serious making out, heavy petting, the works. Then I went in and as soon as the door closed she told me how much she really liked my friend. So we spent the next 6 min and 55 seconds playing rock paper scissors in a cramped dark closet. I won 84 - 71, that was the first and last time I ever played that F'n closet game.

Dare (or truth) - Every honeydip on earth picked truth so it was a brutal game and the kind of girls who actually picked dare, you usually prayed they were gonna say truth.

Photo of the day - Partyin Hard Bitches, Part II

Some of you may remember Colin Grant from a previous Photo of the day where he was passed out hammered in a pile of trash with his friends pouring beer on him and he just refers to it as "Partying hard bitches" when asked about it. (photo here)

Well here is another picture of the Colin at some bar just absolutely sloshed and wearing a shirt that says "Baghdad ass up". I honestly dont know whats funnier; the look on his face, the numerous beer stains on his gay shirt, or the fact he's dancing with what appears to be a 7 foot tall girl who's jeans are about halfway off while shes baghdading it up on him.

Overall Colin is not that cool of a kid and as I stated before he's been mistaken for a lesbian on several occasions, but with pictures like this you just can't help but to call him your good buddy

Mailbag with Dr. Hall

If anyone needs something answered you can email it to Yummybro@gmail.com and Doctor Hall will help you answer it using elegance and shit.

2 questions, Im now 23 and my brother dogged me for having my mattress just laying on the ground. What age do I need to get a bedframe? The other thing is, the friendly kiss on the cheek move is becoming popular with my lady friends. This an ok move?
- Garrett    Crystal Lake, IL

To answer your first question G, you can go mattress on the floor for as long as you want until you get married. Having a frame is expensive and worthless, all it does is scuff up your wall and creek when you move half an inch. Not too mention once you buy one theres no more swan diving onto your bed without hearing the frame crack (I'd make the olympic bed diving team if the summer games had it). Treat your mattress like you do an ice cube that just dropped out of the tray and leave it on the ground.


To answer your second part, I would stop hanging out with them so much, also you pluralized lady so it sounds like you have more than one of them which is super uncool. I would fake sick for a few months and hang out with some dudes. They play Call of Duty and never cheek kiss, boom!

- Dr. Hall

PHD - Playa Hatin Degree

Nick Halls Jams You Should Download

Kid Cudi - Up Up and Away

If you want to be in a good mood instantly then I suggest you eat freeze pops or put this jam on repeat.

YouTube Tuesday!

Have any good video clips? Send them to Yummybro@gmail.com for next weeks Youtube Tuesday.

Travis Pastrana is known for doing extreme stunts and most famous for being the only dude in history to ever land a double backflip on a dirtbike. In this clip He tries to jump a plastic big wheel, thats right the same toy you rocked when you were five, over a 75 foot gap while trying to land a backflip.



Sent in by: Chris Leggee

If you watched Jersey Shore and you like baseball then this clips hilarious, GTL is in full effect.



Video sent in by: Matt Lythberg

When I hear the word Chinese I usually think General Tso chicken, now I think of this guy just owning Whitney Houstons jam of  "and I" on some show.




Video sent in by: Lake Dawson and Daniel "DJ Nasty" Jewett

Quick Thoughts By: Nick Hall

Apparently Illinois and a few other states have passed a law making it illegal to text message while you drive. Obama's really chapping my ass now, I wasnt a fan of the health care plan or him giving away 45 gagillion dollars to companies that went under but I was willing to let that shiz slide. Now he goes and takes away my god given right to shoot a smiley face text while driving down a road. Dude, thats not cool at all. I'm a seasoned driving/texting vet. I drive a vehicle while eating a burger on my lap, a pop cup pinned between my thighs, with lady gaga pumping out the dash all while trying to dip my fries in sweet and sour sauce on the reg. I think I can handle a text message, besides I usually do the Magic Johnson text anyway, no look.

*(for the record & my street cred) I dont shoot smiley face texts, it was for comedic value only

Hangin with Mr. Cooper - Jay Cutler

Here you have Katie Sroka with Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler at some bar in the windy city. I like how Jay went an extra button down on the shirt, thats a move straight outta my book but I go white undershirt and have a tad more chest hair. He's either shaving or rocking the chest of a nine year old.

I will give Cutler some credit, not because I like him, but because he throws the football faster and farther than I drive on the interstate. If Jay and the bears do not get some wide reciever help this year we mine as well have Katie throwing passes for Chicago, I mean she's already got a jersey.

* Have a picture with a celebrity and want it on T.Y.B email it to Yummybro@gmail.com

Big Gulp Award - Victoria Choukarov

There was no clear cut winner for the Big Gulp Award this past week, so I decided to give the award to Vicki Choukarov for designing me the new picture for the award itself. I think shes either unbelievable at microsoft paint or she works for this web design company where you make cool crap daily. Im hoping its the latter because I consider myself a wizard on paint, especially if I go into spray paint mode on there, then you can forget about it.

Tricks, get out a piece of loose leaf and write this down

Little things that make girls cuter

Nice car - If youre around a 6 driving in a dodge neon, then youre an 8 in a Benz. Its just how it works. I didnt write the rules I just abide by them (rule only applies while inside your vehicle).

Showing bra - it could be a spec of bra or a whole strap, doesnt matter, either way this move is buck wild. It reeled my dad in during 1977 and me in 20??

Little things that make you less cuter

Swearing - If I wanted to hear a girl drop an F bomb I'd watch a softball practice.

Brutal Dancer - If you're cute but you look like you have turrets on the dance floor then I will smile and introduce you to my buddy Mike Sullivan, just kidding but seriously Mike dances like he's standing on a stability ball - (re-enactment pic here)

Nick Halls Jams You Should Download

Usher ft. Will I am - OMG

I heard this song when Usher performed on American Idol, I mean my friend heard it cause I dont watch that crap, its super gay. But I heard it and hated it. Then I you-tubed it cause thats when men do, and now I love it. Ipods top player of the last week

Throwback Thursday - The hair dew

Back in the day there were really only 3 acceptable haircuts for a kid to wear; the rat-tail, the bowl cut, and the normal haircut with lines in the side of your head. Some kids would even have 2 of the 3 looks and really be on the cutting edge. I never got to enjoy these three wonders of the world cause my dad ran a tight ship, I tried getting my little league number in the back of my head for like 6 months straight but he always said "How many doctors and Lawyers do you see with a number in their head? I always said "none" then just mumbled how many doctors hit doubles in the gap on the reg.

The rat-tail was predominantly used by Bullies, Hispanics, and Brad Medchill. It was when you would have a totally normal haircut but let about 10 strands of hair in the back middle grow out longer than the others. This look now-a-days gets you thrown in jail, but back 15 years ago it got you thrown into parties.

I just spent 5 hours at the Houston Library and found out the bowl cut was more common than any other hairstyle in our nations history. I guarantee you go into any yearbook during the mid to late nineties and over 75 percent of all males were rocking this dew. The haircut was so dumb and made you resemble Toadstool on Mariokart but moms loved it apparently. When I was rocking the normal cut I used to get death threats from classmates telling me to change to a bowl cut, but since they were written in crayon and every word was spelled wrong, no charges were pressed.

Lines were and still are the coolest trend in the hair game. My buddy Keaton in sixth grade had lines or as some people call them "steps" on the side of his dome. He said they made you faster and man was he right, I was top 5 slowest kids in the school. Some blame it on me running like I had load in my underpants but I personally think it was the haircut that made me run a 19 minute mile.

Throwback Video

Since I was 11 years old to now (minus the summer of '99) Ive wanted to be the Fresh Prince, heres why

- move at 0:28 is butter

Good idea?

Last July I did a post about stuff that seems like a good idea at the time but usually sucks once you do it (link here). Here is just some more bad ideas.

Sand Volleyball - Its nice weather, girls in swimsuits, you're looking good in your orange polo, everyone is having fun, you start to sweat, running around in the sand blows, sand sticks to your skin, you keep serving it into the net, the ball has hit and spilt your drink four times and now you have to walk around barefoot for an hour til all the sand gets off your feet.

Milkshake - Buying a milkshake or frosty has never seemed like a bad idea until you're about two minutes in. First spoonful feels like you just ate a slice of heaven. Second bite is just as delicious, you dont even wanna put the spoon down. Third bite is just alright, really similar to the first couple bites. After the fourth spoonful you're looking around to see if anyone wants the rest and wondering why you spent 4 dollars on this shiznit.


Asking a girl to dance - Hey, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to dance? No huh, yea thats cool I was only kidding anyway my ankles been messing up on me and the doctor said I shouldnt even be on it, totally cool though that you said no, I dont even like to dance, I just thought this was your song and didnt want ya to miss it, dont worry about me I actually don't even feel that good, I may head home and get some rest. 

Cup Trick - Ive done it, you've done it, we've all done it. At a restaurant or fast food place when asked if you'd like a drink, you just say nah can I get a cup for water, then you just fill it up with pop to save a buck or two. Now instead of enjoying your meal you spend the next 30 minutes with your head on a swivel thinking every employee in the place is staring at you and about to call the police.

Photo of the day

This is what happens when you let big ole Billy Petrick babysit your two year old.

kid: I wanna go high!
Billy: Oh you'll go real high man
(throws em)

kid: I dont wanna play anymore

YouTube Tuesday!

Unreal, I can only do like 90% of this stuff. Real sick video



Sent in by: Cameron Monger

This is how real men fish, an by real men I mean sweet ass dudes who own helicopters.



Sent in by: Rico

Wonder if this kid has an agent?



Sent in by: Mike D

Keys to Tanning - Guy Edition

If you're looking to get a nice tan this summer then listen up. We all know that tricks have mastered tanning so ladies these keys should come as no surprise to you. Guys, Im not saying I am an expert but with these tips you should be golden brown by early May.

Lotion - It's recommended by most male dermatologists and Dr. Hall to not use any and just rough it. If you have fair skin or a hot girl ready to apply then a little lotion doesn't hurt. Just dont cake that shiz on unless shes really really hot and you don't want her to stop rubbing your bod, in that case bring extra sunblock and tell her your allergic to UV rays.

Maximum Thigh Coverage - When laying on your back in a chair, you need to hike up the leggings of your shorts a good 6-8 inches above the knee. This will allow for maximum thigh exposure to the sun leaving your legs with some nice color while also letting the ladies know you mean business.

Barrel Roll - Most people like to spend equal time on there back and front to get that overall tan look. Guys I'm gonna be honest, thats just dumb. You wanna be at 75-25 for your front to back ratio.

Easy on the Drool - When laying on your stomach and using your towel for a pillow, try to not drool. This is a tough one for me. I only drool in two places and tanning on my stomach is one of them, the other is sleeping in class. I would  usually wake up with my notes stuck to my cheek and a small puddle on my desk. I always blamed it on a leaky pipe but no one ever bought it except this Arab kid, who Im pretty sure was just looking for a friend.

Hanging with Mr. Cooper - John Krasinski

Here is a photo of Jeff and Erin Miller hanging out and getting a tour on the set of The Office with actor John Krasinski. He is most famous for this role and being opposite Mandy Moore in some movie I wouldn't watch if I were in a POW camp. What I do like about this picture is Millers name tag and Erin rocking the Betty rubble necklace. I need to start taking more tours, they just sound cool. (cell phone rings) Hey Nick, what you up to? Uh Im on a tour, I'll call you back! Boom, they instantly think you're awesome..

Im just gonna let you know now, you may click on the image to enlarge it, but I suggest you dont. The image is like 58,349 x 43,890 pixels. So unless you just wanna see a close up of Krasinski's nose, leave the picture as is.

Big Gulp Award - Tommy Nelson

This weeks Big Gulp Award goes out to Tommy Nelson. He deserves Fan of the month, but I didnt wanna wait 4 weeks so he will get the BG award instead.

The boy puts yummybro.com as his status close to once a week and if thats not legit enough he drinks big gulps on the reg. I appreciate the support and job well done on spreading the news about the site. Its kids like this that grow up to be president one day.

Whats Hot & Whats Not

I cant have you go into April without knowing whats hot and whats not for the month. This can save you some embarrassment and maybe even your life. So as you can see this is no laughing matter.

*WHATS HOT*
Bra Name -  No longer are people calling them bras, everyone is now referring to them as "over the shoulder boulder holders". I know this was cool in 1996 and it will be again for the month of April, just gotta trust the Hall Trane. I had a cousin call his girlfriends bra this and she instantly went from 2nd base to all the way with him, and they're only 9.

Papa Johns Pizza - I look at it as I am paying 10 bucks just for their garlic butter sauce and then they just throw in a free pizza, stuff is unreal. This joint is the best chain pizza place around. Not to mention the guy looks like a cool dude on tv, hey Papa if ever need a place to crash in Illinois, I got an air mattress.


*WHATS NOT*
Shape-Ups - This was the newly designed shoe by Skechers about 6 months ago. Its supposed to give you a workout while you walk. Sure you may shed a few calories, but let me tell you what else it does, it makes you look like a lunch lady. Easily the gayest shoe ever created, slightly ahead of the wooden clog made by the ninth century Dutch. (PICTURE)

Wear Sunglasses Indoors - Ok we all understand you think you look great in sunglasses. Fact of the matter is everyone who doesn't have blue eyes looks good in shades. But when your inside retard and theres no rays to be deflected, just take them off! I saw Usher wearing sunglasses while he was in some club on televison. How does he even see in there? I would of accidently bumped into every table in that joint and spent the rest of the night icing my shins.

Fun Fact Friday

What does the phrase "It aint over til the fat lady sings" actually mean?

Everyones aware that the saying means no should assume the outcome untile its officially over or if the fat lady sings, but in reality here is where it originated from. In the grand opera the show will finish on a Soprano singing which are typically overwieght people and sometimes female. So you know the Opera has ended when the fat lady has sung.

Examples:
Scott - Oh man, The Magic is up by 7 points with only 20 seconds left. This games in the bag.
Dale - Dude, its not over til that fat whore sings.
Scott- Isn't it fat lady?
Dale - could be

Thank You Guys!

After just over 11 months it kills me to say it, but Thats Yummy Bro will be no more. Yesterday was my last day updating the site. It was a fun ride but due to time constrictions, the $189.99 web fee, several female activists sending in hate mail. and a few other factors I will not be continuing YummyBro.com. There was a lot of fans and a tremendous buzz spreading about the site so I thank you all for your support and god bless.

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April Fools from the Hall Trane Playa!