Story Tellers

This is a segment where I tell a real story about me or someone I know.

This past Saturday night, my buddy Justin had around 160.00 dollars in his bank account. That night he went to the bar and spent just over two hundred bucks. Then when Justin came home at 3 am, he decided to try a dollar trial on this porn website (so he clearly struggled with the honeydips at the bar). Well what Justin didnt realize til the morning was that he now had another 175 dollars in overdraft fees on top of the two hundy he spent on drinks, oh and that dollar porn membership he signed up for was actually for the whole month and it charged him 39.95 which made another overdraft fee occur.

Bar tab - 210.00
Porn Membership - 39.95
Overdraft fees from Bank - 175.00

Total money spent by the retard = $424.95

Nick Halls Jam to Download

Drake - Find your love

This jam is off the charts hey hey hey, I promise that you'll like it hey hey hey, Just downloaded this shiz hey hey hey

When to wash the hands

I wanna discuss the appropriate time for men to wash their hands after they've gone to the bathroom.

If you just pee you do not need to wash your hands. If you pee and think you ricocheted some of it onto your hand, well then its a toss up whether or not you have to wash since pee is 95 percent water. If you dump you also dont necessarily have to wash your hands, but its probably the right thing to do unless you're in a rush like lets say if youre on commercial break. Now if you wipe and accidently get poo on the hand or a finger breaks through the TP you definitely have to wash with soap and use serious elbow grease. Under no cicrcumstances can you walk out of that biz with a hand that smells like butt.

(Picture)The bar Suds O'hanigans in Beloit Wisconsin runs a tight ship when it comes to their restroom. I'm not sure if people there aren't familiar with everyday life, but if "The Mgmt" is the only reason you flush, then you have bigger problems.

Youtube Tuesday!

The baton toss at 1:14 is too good, I watched it 11 times and laughed at 8



Video sent in by: Matt Chareonath

Just a sick dance video . . . nuff said



Sent in by: Ryan Rowe

Starts off slow and keeps getting better. I could do without all the F bombs, but when he just mispronounces everything you cant help but laugh. "Indianapolis Jones" & "Rocket Appliance"



Video sent in by: Scooter Hicks

Oh Dang Doo, Now thats a wedding

This past weekend I attended a wedding of the beautiful Jenny Underhill and Jesse Seykora. I know it sounds like two lesbians tied the knot, but I assure you even though the names are a little tricky that Jesse is the guy.What I realized at the wedding is some things I wont and will do at my wedding.

• I will have 25 security guards, and if anyone taps there glass to try and get us to kiss, they will be escorted out and beatin in the parking lot. Were married, I dont need help getting to first base with my honeydip, will be makin out on the reg
• The DJ will be paid per Lady Gaga song played and fined if he plays a slow song thats not "I believe I can fly" by R Kelly
• All the groomsmen will be wearing different major league baseball hats, forward at the ceremony then backwards at the reception
• Instead of Steak or Chicken, you will have a choice between Sonic or Buffalo Wild Wings
• The AC will be turned on high so people who sweat profusely (me) dont ever have to stop dancing
• Colin Grant is definatly invited (Picture here)
• Im gonna rent a blow up moonwalk jump thing and little kids aren't allowed in, so they have to sit outside it and watch us have all the fun for once.
• Last but not least, No arabs, just kidding, but seriously lets keep it clean

Queen Latifah - Hangin with Mr. Cooper

Jacob McElyea was out at an art festival in Beverly Hills with his fiancee Erin Hood when he saw what looked to be Ray Lewis, so he walked over and as he got closer they both realized it was that one Latifah Trick.

Queen Latifah is best known for her roles in Taxi, Barber Shop 14, and being too heavy for Will Smith to date on the Fresh Prince. What I really wanna know is how she got the name queen and what country is she the ruler of, just so I dont go there. If my memory serves me correct she tried to be a plus size model for a little while, I just cant believe that didnt pan out.

 Send in your Celeb Pics to YummyBro@gmail.com

People who one-up stories are - The Worst

Look if myself or someone is telling a cool story that they're all excited about, we dont want to hear your better story that sounds made up. Just because I caught a 5 pound bass and yours was 6 pounds, doesnt make you any cooler, it actually makes you gayer and lowers the percentage that were gonna hang out again.

Photo of the day - Big Things Poppin

Ive had this photo stored for a little while. Former fan of the month Sam Kapacinskis just happened to be downtown Chicago at the apple store the day the new Ipads came out. So what he did was he went on to every Ipad in the store went to Thats Yummy Bro and left it there for other on-lookers to see. This is the type of thing that not only wins you fan of the month awards but it makes you instantly cooler in my eyes. I thought Sam was a borderline 3 in terms of awesomeness, now he's flirting with an 8, no homo.

Throwback Thursday - Little League

There was nothing sweeter growing up then playing little league, an I mean nothing. Your team was always sponsored by some super crappy local store (mine was American Pie Pizza) and they always gave you the worst hats.

There was a few certainties on every little league team.

• Your worst player played right field, had a plastic mitt, and picked his nose for all 6 innings
• The head coach wore shorts three sizes too small
• Your teams best player was the huge kid who grew way faster than everyone else, and now he's still the same size and probably works at Jiffy Lube
• No matter how good you were, only the coaches kid made the allstar team
• You had to take super gay pictures (on left), at least once a year
• Whenever you went out to eat after a game, it was mandatory you went in full uni (including cleats), to let the hoes know you just had a game.

My favorite part about little league wasnt playing baseball, It was after every game the coach gave everyone a token so you could go get one thing from the concession stand. I still have the Crystal Lake Little League record for most Watermelon slushies consumed in one summer.

Brutal

My future wife (I thought) Kellie Pickler went behind my back and got engaged to some munson named Kyle Jacobs the other day. If I knew she was gonna marry some regular dude, I would of rented an apartment in Nashville and just hung out outside all the time trying to bump into that trick.

Photo of the day - TYB Shirt

Ive already showed you a few of the things that happen when you purchase a Yummy Bro shirt. Here is a picture proving what I've been saying for the past few months. Drew Hall used to own a paddle boat and get HJ's. Now he's rounding the bases on yachts in Seattle with dime pieces. Sure he's my brother and the Hall family genes are way above average, but this shirt has put him on a whole nother level.

p.s. Drew tell baby blue I said whats up, just kidding, but seriously, I think shes using you to get to me.

Female Driving 101

T.Y.B. has been stating facts about the female gender or tricks as I like to say for almost 15 months now and heres another one. If a girl drives her car while in one of these two positions theres a good chance she's keeper.

Style 1: If a girl drives in the Indian style seated position the she defiantly knows whats up. Real quick, if you're on of those losers who gets offended by the word Indian and use the new politically correct term "pretzel style" I hate you, unless you're a girl and you happen drive that way, boom!

Style 2; If a female drives an automobile with at least one foot on the dashboard. This move not only makes me coocoo for cocoa puffs, but its extremely effective fore left hand turns.

(sidenote) - If a guy driver does either of these moves when en route please exit the vehicle immediately.

Youtube Tuesday!

The glass is half full with this trick



Sent in by: Shane Heirman

The Venezulan guy who roots for everything. Its sucks, but then it sucks so much its hilarious



Sent in by: Chris Leggee

Im not sure how to say this in a nice way, so Im just gonna come out and say it, since man invented the car, Asians havent had the slightest clue in how to drive. The 2:05 mark is my favorite



Video sent in by: Gabe Tippy

Nick Halls Jam to Download

Mike Posner - Drug Dealer Girlfriend

May be the gayest title of a song since Mmm bop, but I swear once you hear this jam, you wouldnt care if they called it "eating crap with your eggs" cause its one Sweet A jam.

Luke Bryan - Hangin with Mr Cooper

This weeks celebrity picture was sent in by Gabe Tippy and his girlfriend Olivia Campbell. Its those two with country singing star Luke Bryan.

In this photo it appears Olivia lost her trousers, but was able to find a checkered flag to wrap her lower half in and it looks like Gabe just walked into GAP and said, "I'll take the green one". On top of that Luke Bryan is showing hes no stranger to going down a few buttons on the ole shirt.

My favorite part about this pic is the setting. The little red hang down thing is a nice touch, especially with a long table that has nothing on it but a half naked baby statue in the corner thats surrounded by ivy. Say what you want about Luke, but the guy knows how to set a mood.

Big Gulp Award - Matt Jernstad

This weeks Big Gulp Award goes out to my former teammate Matt "Jernhead" Jernstad at Northern Illinois University and with the Windy City Thunderbolts. As of Thursday morning Matt signed with the New York Yankees and will be playing on there minor league short season team. Jernstad is the reigning fan of the month so its no coincedence why the Yankees took Notice. Pretty sure half of the big apple reads "The Bro".

Good luck Matt, and spread TYB all over the empire state.

Big Gulp'n It

It appears Brett Abraham has been reading Yummy Bro and taking notes. The kid has a 64 ouncer of what looks to be mountain dew code red in his hand, with a shirt that says "Do yank my chain", and stunner shades that look like he just stepped off the set of Ushers new music video. Oh and not to mention he has a Jeep Grand Cherokee in his garage, I drive a black on black '08, leather, power windows, single exhaust, AC and heat, with factory 16 inch rims . . . nuff said.

The only thing Im gonna have to knock him about is the straw, real men chew ice, Im not saying that just because I love the crunch, Im saying that because hoes appreciate strong teeth.


Send in your Big Gulp Pic - Yummybro@gmail.com

Giving girls a pound is - The Worst

Here is a new segment I thought of when I was driving yesterday. Its called "The Worst" its where I just bash something thats the absolute worst in its class.

Giving girls a pound is the worst, if a girl ever makes a fist and expects me to give her a pound she's wasting her time. Nothing screams lesbo like a girl giving a fist pound. This maneuver is for men only. Girls you get hi-fives and the occasional low five. leave the pounding to the pros.

(check out the ultimate pounder to my right, what a tard)

Photo of the day - Super Baller

Ryan Rowe wrote the book on being humble, but when it comes to transportation he spares no expense. There's only one way to travel says the multi-thousandaire. Rowe has yet to ride in a car ever  since he got his helicopter license in the fall of 2007. I dont know the exact protocol of how he became so successful,  but I think first you get the blue blocker sunglasses and then you get the helicopter. Ryan has recently started a nationwide petition that demands all Smoothie Kings must have a Helipad on their roof, so far he's the only signature on it.

Rowes license plate - HOEPATROL13

Throwback Thursday

If you grew up in America in the 1990's you used collect calls. There's two different kinds of people in these world, those who used quarters to call and the other people. When you were one of the other people you were either used 1 800 collect or you went the 1 800 call att route.

These phone calls usually meant your parents had to fork over about 99 cents unless you were familiar with the ole speed talk move. It was when the operator said "state your name" and you would say "Mom it's Nick, I'm at the roller rink, pick me and John up please" at warp speed, so she wouldn't have to accept the call and now you've got a ride and a free dollar for that big gulp.

(sidenote) I only went to a roller rink once, and it was for a birthday party and free pizza 

Throwback Shiz

Everyones favorite pastime and something I still do on a daily basis is cruising down the interstate with the window down and arm out so you can wind surf with your hand. I usually went with the worm motion going up and down the air waves and on occasion I did the hand cup move to let everyone on the road know I was a baller.

Mailbag with Doctor Hall

If anyone needs something answered you can email it to Yummybro@gmail.com and Doctor Hall will help you answer it using elegance and shit.

Nick, I like this girl and I think she likes me but shes dating a buddy (lets say his name is Hank) what should I do?  -Tom B. Kalamazoo, MI 


Ok, I don't usually condone this type of thing but Tom I think I can help you out. Just convince him that shes a huge loser, then in about two weeks swoop in and go get her, then when he confronts you about it just say "Hank, people change"


Sincerely,
Doctor Hall

Photo of the day - Bathroom break

Some losers say the world is gonna end in 2012 cause some Mayan people who lived in wigwams and ate dirt can predict the future, I say by 2010 Yummy Bro is gonna take over the world.

This picture was taken after I walked into a highway rest stop in the middle of Michigan. I walked in having to pee like a racehorse only to see the urinals were filled with awesome dudes. I never thought it was possible to pee in style, but Garner and Meinhold proved me wrong. On the left you have Guillermo Martinez (nice shirt queer)

Super Gay Facebook Status'

Lauren Anderson the one drawback of going to Europe for 2 weeks is having to be away from my cats. I miss them so much and I'm not there yet.


    (sent in by TYB follower)

YouTube Tuesday!

This drummer is on Planet awesome. Hes so much sweeter then every other bandmate. His no look move at 1:48 is butter. Just keep watching cause it only gets better.



Sent in by: Brooks Haislip

This is a real news clip



Sent in by Justin Brown

Pretty cool little rift, even though these guys seem about as funny as my toaster they do have legit voices and a pretty neat theme.



Video Sent in by: Heather Sherman

Hangin with Mr. Cooper - Patrick Sharp

Here you have the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawk Patrick Sharp with Kelli Mildren and Marianne Sofa (In Kelli's email she didnt fill me in on Marianne's last name so I went with my favorite piece of furniture). This is the third picture taken with a Blackhawk and also the third time the guy is dressed like he lost all his money in the stock market, but he does have a jaw like the russian from Rocky IV so I wont say anything else bad about him.

By the looks of it, Marianne still believes in cooties and wont allow herself within six inches of boys cause they're ewwy. Kelli on the other hand, although engaged to Marc Besteman . . . . Besteman . . . . Besteman isnt afraid to get up close and personal with his bush.

Big Gulp Award - Fatbooth

This weeks big gulp award goes out to the new iPhone application called fatbooth. My buddy Kyle showed me this app a few days ago. You take a picture of yours or someone elses face and then make a few clicks and it shows you exactly what they would look like if they were  to weigh 500 pounds. I haven't had this much fun since Disneyworld in 2007.  Here is a picture of Dirt Wagner at his normal weight and then after he entered the fatbooth, Dirt dates women hockey players so he's ok either way.

Big Gulp'n It

In this picture, you will see young project manager George Zasadil working diligently on some accounting. If you look close enough you will see Georgie boy with a combined 128 ounces of Double Gulps on his desk, now Im no CEO but I like the way this kid does business.

You'll see here that George takes full advantage of casual Fridays and if this picture happens to be taken on a Monday then you should be ashamed of yourself.

Send in your Big Gulp Pic to YummyBro@gmail.com

Hall Trane Bucket List

Top 3 things I wanna do before I die:

Get in a high speed chase - I know for a fact I would be an unreal getaway driver. I make awesome right hand turns and if I had a Big Gulp you could just forget about it. I would lead those cops on an 8 hour chase, ending with me diving onto a sideroad and jumping out of my car, where I would fake sleep in some bush. Im telling you its foolproof and worked for me back in fifth grade when I was almost caught stealing Mike Kluths sack lunch.

Go on a date with Erin Andrews- First we'd hit Buffalo Wild Wings. Once she got a whiff of my spicy garlic (cologne, not the wing sauce) it'd be money in the bag. Then I would bump some Lady Gaga on the way home and her last name would prolly be Hall by sun up.

Try and break out of prison - I think if you put me in prison for a week I could probable escape. I really dont wanna get tag teamed in the shower or beat up by gangbangers, I just wanna see if I can sneak out of jail. Id have to plan carefully, because  my climbing ability is brutal so I can't jump the fence. I'd probably go with digging a tunnel from my cell or becoming BFF with the warden and have him hook me up with a fake prison guard uni.

Facebook Newsfeed

Ryan Rowe became a fan of   "I like it when sluts hate other sluts for being sluts"

Throwback Thursday - Little Tikes Hoop

It didnt matter if you were poor, rich, black, korean, or had down syndrome, there was always that must have toy when you were a=growing up and that toy was the Little Tikes Basketball Hoop.

I think my Dad got me one on my sixth birthday when we were living in Connecticut and that was around the same time I got my first real friend. Mainly because I needed a rebounder for when I shot from behind the couch. Those hoops always came with a crappy orange rubber ball, but I always switched it out with a college or pro "hutch" ball that I would by from the bin at Champs Sports.

This Bad A hoop had three different settings that changed the height from 3 feet all the way to 4 feet for dunking purposes. I usually kept it at the 4 foot setting so I could get my game ready for the next level. That was unless a few second grade honeydips came over to play. An in that case I lowered the hoop to 3 and just put on a show.

My sister still has one of these hoops in her backyard, so if you're ever in Algonquin, IL and happen to see a 26 year old making it rain on a little tikes hoop, don't be alarmed its just the Hall Trane.

Throwback Video

I have a group of 5 friends too and not a single one of them can play an instrument or sing a lick. Thats why these guys are special. 

Whats Hot & Whats Not

Its a week late, but better than not at all. If youre having a not so good month this should be the secret to turning it around, here is Whats Hot and Whats Not for the month of June.


- WHATS HOT -
Chilis chips and Salsa - They're like a buck eighty nine, and are bottomless, which means it keeps coming all night long. If I were homeless Id go in at noon and stay til close while just crushing that shiz, I actually did that about a week ago, so really you dont need to be homeless at all.

Watching Sportscenter 3 times in a row - Who watches a show once anymore? I know right, youre not cool unless you watch a minimum of 3 sportscenters in the morning and know exactly whats gonna happen next by the third one.

Using "No Homo" - The phrase "No homo" is used when you say something borderline gay and wanna make sure its not taken the wrong way. Example: "Yo Eric, youve got a great body, no homo, but seriously I saw you in the shower and youre looking really really good, no homo, just saying your body is really changing and maturing and I like it a lot, no homo"

- WHATS NOT -

Sleeping in - Nine times out of ten sleeping in is the worst, you wake up, roll over, only to see the friggin alarm clocks says 12:48. Now youve missed Sportscenter, McDonalds breakfast, and 4 text messages from friends who all wanted you to come do cool stuff.

Parking tickets - I realize I shouldn't park there since there is a huge sign saying the same thing, but do you really need me to pay 35 dollars to teach me that lesson? a simple, move your car would do just fine.

Nick Halls Jam to Download

Shakira - Gypsy

Her hips didnt lie then and I dont lie now, this song is weird but awesome!

Youtube Tuesday!

Its a crazy place out there, here is some tips that should help you be a little more street safe



Sent in by: Bobby Bardwell

Super Mario is in effect


Sent in by Daryl Maday

Awesome story, from ESPN a little while back



Sent in by: Eric L.

Adrian Peterson - Hanging with Mr Cooper

In this weeks celebrity pictures segment Connor Weaverling reeled in a trophy fish with Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. You may or may not remember Connor from being the worlds biggest 7th greader in a post about six months ago. 


A Pete is a tank, a lot of people say we'd be twins if he was a few inches taller, not black, or fast, and didnt have 18 abs to my 1. Purple Jesus as he's often referred to was the NFLs leading rusher in 2008 and has also lead the league in street cred the past two seasons since his dad spent 10 years in the slammer. I would of paid a lot of money to take a pic with Peterson, but then I would of asked for it all back when he threw up the sideways peace sign.

TYB IS BACK!

Yummy Bro was down, but not anymore. Its 2010, lets get with the program internet people

Big Gulp'n It

Ive never met Kevin Broman in my life but I can already tell this kids pretty legit and heres why;

• He referred to me as "Hall Trane" in his email 
• Kid drinks Double Gulps of pop on the reg and takes pics of it
• Surfs the web on Windows '84
• He stays logged into YummyBro year round
• Rocks a wooden barn on his wall
• Has 6 girlfriends (standard of anyone who drinks Big Gulps)
• Went "thumbs up" instead of the gay sideways piece sign

Wanna get on YummyBro? Send us in your picture with a Big Gulp

Photo of the day - Real Deal

This is a prime example of what happens when you purchase a Yummy Bro T-shirt. Brandon Garner used to be a loser who had 4 friends (only 3 were real) and about 17 dollars to his name. Now after spending the 14.99 on a shirt and playing euchre(card game) for money, he owns a 14 karat gold chain, "Men in black" sunglasses, and a super gay hat.


You're probably thinking, is that a beef and cheese taquito in his mouth? Well, thats a really good guess, because thats exactly what it is. So to make a long story short life was crappy for Garner and now . . . . . its not!

Photo of the day - Next level

J.T. Restko (right) got a handjob that night, Mike Sullivan (left) did not.




Nuff said.

Throwback Thursday - Bedroom Essentials

When you were growing up there was a few certainties you must have in your room at some point throughout your childhood.

Lava Lamp - You heated that biznitch up and then lava globs floated around the lamp, It was more of a fire hazard then anything since the lamp heated up to like 1400 degrees Celsius if you left it on too long.

Magic Eye - Anyone who ever entered your room and saw one of these on your wall knew you were a real baller. I mean a poster that lets objects pop out at you if you stare at it for 5 minutes, then squint, then stare for 5 more. 3D movies aint got nothing on MEP's (magic eye posters)

Mini fridge - I begged my parents for roughly six straight years to let me put a mini fridge in my room so I could just crush Dr Peppers all night long. They finally gave in and around that time so did Allison Cowan, Ohhh playas dont play!

Thats Mr. Junior to you!

A throwback thursday indeed, here is to the greatest centerfielder of All-time who retired this morning. Ken Griffey Jr, but I just call em the kid!

Debate Team

I thoroughly enjoy reading all of the comments, so Im gonna throw out another topic for you the viewer to answer. If you could own any pet in the world (dont pick something gay like a cat) what would it be and why?

Comment below

I would have a pet cheetah for sure, could you imagine laying on a couch watching college football while petting a cheetah on your lap. Not only that but I would show up with it at the dog park and impress all the honeydips with the worlds greatest fetch display. Oh new rule too, if I do get a cheetah, it has all-time shotgun in my car no questions asked, so just get in the back seat.

Matt Jernstad - T.Y.B. Fan of the Month

And the award for TYB fan of the month goes out to the Mr. Skoal Pouches aka Gimme dat chips and salsa aka I run with scissors aka State champ aka Matt Jernstad.

Hometown: Oswego, IL

College: The Northern Illinois University

Hobbies: Copping a feel at family parties, Spending his allowance on scratch off tickets, and collect calling his friends when hes out of anytime minutes.

Fun fact: Matt wears his t-shirt in the pool because UV rays are the 68th leading cause of death in Illinois

Why he won: Matt purchased a TYB shirt, He puts the site as his status, he tells his friends weekly about it, and not to mention he's my roommate on roadtrips and helped me out one time with a post idea about homeless kids in africa like 8 months ago (link here)

Youtube Tuesday!

Have a good video? send it in to YummyBro@gmail.com

Lil asian can play



Sent in by Gabe Tippy

This bit is real real good



Sent in by Drew Hall

This kid needs a nutritionist and the patch



Sent in by Katie Sroka